i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we're so committed to being not committed
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