i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
