I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
