Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
