tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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