That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
