i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize