Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
