but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
