Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
