im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
