you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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