Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
