ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
