this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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