i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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