Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
