I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
