I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
