Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
