she peed on how many people?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
