I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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