the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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