is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You smell like stripper and shame
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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