The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
