I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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