i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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