We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
