Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
