so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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