Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize