Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
