I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
