i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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