Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
