Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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