I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
