lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
