My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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