He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
