I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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