Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
