sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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