the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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