my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
