I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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