sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
