Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
