I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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