we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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