Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
