Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
