no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
