she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
