I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
