Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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