His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All I want is dick and wine.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
