I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The best revenge is premature balding
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
