smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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