I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize