no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
