Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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