You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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