i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
