I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
