no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
